A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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