ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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