we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
