ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
