And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
