So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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