Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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