Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
