She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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