I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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