If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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