how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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