You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
