Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
