So drunk its hurt
zippers are such a cool invention
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
