I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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