just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
