dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
