Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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