im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize