i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
