Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dicks are not precious.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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