i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
