She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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