I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
