her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
