i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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