i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
