Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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