I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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