Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
