I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
