Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
