Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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