she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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