Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
