I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
