take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize