I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize