as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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