god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
