I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
