I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You dont lie about slip and slides
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize