I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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