My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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