Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
