I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
