just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
