I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
