lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
