You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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