Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I smell like Dick and happiness
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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