is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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