dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize