I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
