Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
