I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize