He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
