I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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