Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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