i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
