she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
