I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
